A tiny dose of inspiration

A lot has been said about mothers sacrificing everything - their lives and all their time for their children.

But what about kids inspiring their mothers to change for the better? Here are 5 changes that I underwent  that were inspired by my daughter, who is just 5 years old.

- I was fat, really fat at 75 kg. I happily ignored it and continued eating junk food until one fatal day, my kid asked me with an innocent smile “Why are you so fat mummy?”  Next day, I armed myself with a diet cookbook and joined the gym. 10 months and aching muscles later, I could finally bid goodbye to XL sized clothes and happily sip cup a green tea without flinching. 

-Everybody does. So I did too. Spend time at the pantry in office, gossiping away while work and deadlines waited at my desk. No more. Like Cinderella’s mad rush at 12 o clock, I now have a deadline of 6 p.m. to pick up my kid from the crèche. And alas, there is no fairy godmother to wave her magic wand. Which means – no time to waste. So every minute is spent on first meticulously finishing work and pantry time is strictly regulated. Time management books should take a tip or two from mothers.

- I knew my building had 299 other flats but I never found time or inclination to meet anybody. Well now I do. Finding friends for my kid was my mission last year and while doing that, I made friends too. Potluck parties and picnics are regular weekend activities now and it’s hard to say who enjoys these more – me or my kid.

- I couldn’t dance. Two left feet seemed to have been all that I was born with. But after observing my kid’s Bollywood jhatkas and graceful movements, I signed up for a Salsa class. After 3 months, I realized, I too could dance. Not fancy steps like my kid, but basic steps that actually makes me feel that somewhere the right foot was always being ignored and waiting for the right moment. Now, we can dance together to “Why this Kolaveri di?”

-I never wrote. Nothing except meeting minutes and PowerPoint presentations. But when my kid seemed bored with the usual bedtime fairy tales and other kid’s stories, I found myself running out of ideas to keep her inquisitive mind occupied. So I started spinning stories in my head to entertain her and also try to teach her some values. And that sparked off an interest in writing. If I can tell stories, surely I can write them to.

In just 5 years of her existence, my kid has made me take 5 steps to change for the better. Of course, there are many mad moments.  Like when I stare at my kid staring at the television and refusing to eat her dinner. But I know one thing, “this too shall pass”. And tomorrow, she will inspire me again. Does your kid inspire you too?

Short story - The Accident

Inspector Roy hated this part of the job. The early grey morning seemed to reflect his mood as he walked out of the police station and stepped into his jeep.

“Hospital” he told his driver.

He didn’t want to look at the newspaper the driver had thoughtfully kept near his seat.

The newspapers would be full of news of the car crash that happened late in the night yesterday. Reckless teenagers had rammed into a car killing 55 year old rich businessman, Mr. Raj Rastogi and seriously injuring his wife Mrs. Ruchi Rastogi.

Mr. Roy had just come out from the police station after meeting the suspects. In the lockup, the teenagers had been defiant. They had been drunk but then they said that the fault was Mr. Rastogi’s. He had lost control of his car.

“Rich kids, sir, too much money, no control” sub-inspector Pande had told him.

Anupam Roy had looked at them, the three boys in their designer denims, tees and branded watches. Bright minds with bright futures.

He hated the thought of all it being wiped out in a single instance, a single mistake. But if they were indeed guilty, they would need to pay the price.

But for now, he had something more unpleasant to deal with. Even though he hated it, he wanted personally break the news to the victim’s family. He always did that.

In a few minutes, Mr. Roy reached the hospital.

Mrs. Rastogi, the elderly widow was strapped to her hospital bed, looking frail and helpless and tired. 

Anupam felt infinite pity for the pale face that seemed almost invisible under the mass of pillows.

But, he had to do his duty. He had to break the news that would probably break her heart and numb her mind.

“Mrs. Rastogi, we are very sorry to inform you that your husband died in the accident yesterday night,” Anupam said as gently as he could.

Ruchi Rastogi stared at the inspector. Her body was still racked with pains. Though he was standing near her, his words seemed to be coming from such a great distance that she scarcely understood what he was saying.

Sensing her confusion, Anupam Roy again repeated himself, adding how sorry he was for her loss.

He was looking at her kindly. The nurse was standing right next to her, ready to shoo away the inspector, if he asked her any more questions.

“Can’t you see she is so weak, poor lady, she has lost so much blood?” the nurse spoke angrily.

They were all staring at her, waiting for tears, for loud cries, for protests, for grief.

Ruchi Rastogi finally understood what they were saying. Images of the last night flashed in front of her eyes.

She had seen the young boys driving towards them before Raj had. He had been driving fast as usual and speaking without a break.

At what moment had the plan crossed her mind? She was not sure. Was it when he had started shouting as usual, when he had said he would never forgive their daughter Sheila for running away from their home and choosing to make her own career in music, a field so far away and removed from his world of murky business deals?

“How can she do this?” he had shouted, “she has to join the family company.”

“It’s your fault, I don’t have a son. At least then I wouldn’t have to see this day.”

“My daughter and a singer! How shameful! If she dares to do this, I’ll not only cut her off without a penny, I’ll destroy her career.”

“I have enough contacts. She’ll never even get close to dreaming about music.” he had snarled, his face red with anger.

She had tried to reason with him.

“It’s her life; let her choose to live as she does” she had tried saying.

But he had stopped her mid-sentence as usual. Secretly, she was glad her daughter had the courage to move away from Raj was and choose to build her own life. All her life Ruchi had seen the shady deals Raj had cracked and become richer and richer by the day. She had lacked the courage to run away herself and silently suffered his barbed comments and angry insults all her life while instilling in her daughter the courage to dream.

Everyone had thought, she was lucky, the wife of a rich man. But she had never wanted to be rich, she had just wanted happiness and she could never be happy with a man like Raj.

She knew then that he would never change. He would never let anyone else live their dreams, never tolerate any other thoughts but his own.

30 years of control had snapped in an instant at that moment.

The last few moments were but a blur. She saw the speeding car rushing towards them. She could hardly remember when she had pushed his hand away from the steering wheel, when he lost control, the last glimpse of his stunned face when he realized what she had done. She would always remember that look.

She didn’t much care for her life anymore, but she just didn’t want him to live. And she wanted Sheila to finally live.

They felt she was shocked, too shocked to cry.

“Give her some rest”, she heard the nurse say to the inspector. The inspector nodded and said that he would come back to speak with her again later. Everyone was sorry for her, the poor widow whose husband had died.

She hid the joy that spread through her heart at the knowledge that she was alone, alive and free and Sheila could finally live her dreams.

Tomorrow, she would think of what she would say to the kind inspector. Maybe tomorrow, even tears would come. Today she just wanted to sleep, free.

Haunted by Chittorgarh

When we returned from Rajasthan, our minds were full of the beauty of the place; the colourful markets of Jaipur, the beautiful City Palace, the magnificent sandstone castle at Jaisalmer, the mystical desert sand dunes and the adventurous camel ride.

But the one place that kept haunting me was Chittorgarh.

The Chittorgarh fort has been attacked time and again for its strategic location. The eerie silence and the vast open ruins tell a tale a bloodshed and honour, of sacrifice and integrity.           

As our guide took us around the 700 acres of ruins, I was struck by the story of 2 Rajput women; women who didn’t fight battles but whose bravery and sacrifice no less changed the destiny of Chittorgarh.

History talks about the cunning king Alauddin Khilji who was so enamoured of Queen Padmini’s beauty that he wished to meet her.  And after seeing her reflection in a mirror, he waged war on Chittorgarh to capture the fort and the queen.

As we walked into the fort, we actually saw a mirror placed so cleverly on the wall that from the steps outside, Khilji could have just seen a reflection of the beautiful queen and not see her actual face. And we saw a wide open barren ground where thousands of Rajput women along with Padmini had given up their lives and hopes.

What did Padmini really feel when she let herself be stared at in the mirror by the lustful king; when she saw her husband rush to defend the honour of the fort and realized that defeat and dishonour were inevitable?

When she dressed in her finery and gazed at her husband one last time and together with other wives in the fort jumped into the fire to embrace death rather than dishonour? I stared at the large ground in awe and sadness, the beautiful queen was certainly no less brave than the warriors who defended the fort.

Years later, one more woman, not a queen, but a humble servant, created history in Chittorgarh. The beauty of Udaipur enthrals all but little do people know that Udai Singh who created Udaipur would have never lived to build the city if he had not been saved from death in childhood.

Amongst the ruins, we saw a tall window of the fort. And there in the dark of the night, brave Panna Dhai, Udai Singh’s nursemaid, sacrificed her own son to be killed by attacker Banbir and saved the king Udai Singh instead as she fled with him and carried him away from Chittor to safety.

A mother, and she had to watch her son being killed for the sake of the loyalty to the king’s family. Can there be valour higher than that?

Yes, Rajasthan is a beautiful place but amidst all the beauty that can be seen, lie the magical ruins of Chittorgarh. In Chittorgarh one cannot see anything but vast stretches of ruins. But one can imagine the faces of the two brave women who sacrificed everything they loved for Chittorgarh.

A short story - Faceless

I steal. It is so easy. I just need a name.  That’s all I need to start.

People are so careless. When they speak on the phone in the busy cafe, they don’t know I am standing behind them, listening while they call out their Account number.

When they throw out their garbage, it is so easy to get their address from an old bill that has not been shredded.

The leave behind so much information on social networking sites. They never know I go through every word and know every detail of their lives from the name of their pet dog to the next holiday they are planning.

I have a lot of patience. I can wait for months and years as I put together each piece of information together and then build a profile of my target.

And I always test them first to see if they really are as foolish as they look. They are busy and harried. Do they notice if I take Rs. 100 from the third bank account?

And then when I am sure they will not notice, and I have all my information, I go in for the kill. I steal everything I can. I clean them out. They never know what hit them.

I wasn’t always like this. Would you believe me if I tell you I used to work in a BPO? But as I spent my nights talking to irate customers about the wrong payments on their credit cards, it struck me. It was so simple to get the information about the customers. It was so easy to use their name and take their money. My mother told me I used to love solving puzzles when I was young. I used to spend hours putting together every small piece till I got the last bit of the puzzle solved.

And that’s what I do now. People may call me a Fraudster. But I am really a puzzle solver. Did I tell you how I cleared out an old lady of her entire bank account? She was so careless. Poor lady, she just died of shock. I attended her funeral just to see her one last time. Do you think I killed her? I hate violence. I would never do that. She just didn’t take care of her money. So I took care of it and took it all away. She never got to know.

I steal. No one sees my face. No one knows me. I live alone with my money and dreams. Tomorrow, I will find one more target.

Here's to Yahoo!!!

YAHOO! I felt like shouting as I read the news that Yahoo had appointed Marissa Mayer as its new CEO.

I felt like cheering for Yahoo not just because they appointed Marissa, one of the very few women who have reached the level of the CEO in any industry, not just because she is just 37, much younger than her usual CEO counterparts who are well beyond 50 but because she is 6 months pregnant and is going to give birth to a baby in the next few months even as she takes on the reins at the troubled firm.

Did Yahoo make the right decision? Analysts will write profound articles about her sound engineering and product management background that might help rebuild Yahoo’s fortunes or her lack of strategic vision that might ultimately be limiting for the already shaken company.

The argument will continue and the results will soon be visible.

But for now, I celebrate the decision for a much more personal reason.

By appointing a 6 month pregnant lady as the CEO, Yahoo has brought to light a common discrimination ground for women.

How many companies would take such a decision in India?

Forget about considering for a CEO position, how many companies would even consider a pregnant lady for a promotion or a demanding role?

I have seen cases where women are passed over for plum roles by companies thinking that they cannot give their best after becoming mothers.

Most women end up either leaving their jobs or choosing a less demanding role or changing track completely after being mothers. In fact, they often themselves step away from roles requiring travel or extended hours as they try to prioritize the time they spend with their children.

But the decision to choose to work or not to work and to choose a demanding role or a flexible role should only be the mother’s.

It’s her right and her choice.

Not the companys’.

The company has no right to discriminate against women based on pregnancy.

As for Marissa, is she taking the right decision? Will she miss the bonding with her baby by working through her maternity leave? Well, I believe these decisions are purely personal.

I wish her all the very best as she takes on two huge challenges at the same time.

And I sincerely hope more companies follow Yahoo’s example by at least offering women roles worthy of their merit rather than just discriminating based on potential motherhood issues.

Of snakes and ladders

As children, a lot of us loved playing the game of snakes and ladders. Oh, the thrill of climbing up the ladders and the dread of landing on the mouth of the snake which would pull us back to the starting point. And wasn't it the worst feeling to get caught at the big snake that used to lie in wait at 99 just when we were about to win the game and reach 100 on the scoreboard?

We forget this simple game as we grow up and get busy in our daily lives as adults.

But isn’t the grown up world of jobs and responsibilities a lot like the simple game of snakes and ladders that we played so often and well as children?

We all look for ladders for success, helping hands and opportunities that propel us forward, give us recognition for our efforts and help us grow as individuals.

And most of us are unaware when we are treading on the mouths of the snakes that lay in wait to trap us and pull us down from our heights. And very often the snake pulls us down just before a big triumph, a big win.

How do we deal with such invisible snakes? Well, that’s a lesson our children can teach us. Just as they cheerfully go back to playing the game and start the climb upwards on the playing board all over again, so too must we; even though it may seem more daunting and difficult the second time around.

And with patience, and a smile, hopefully, we’ll find the next ladder just around the corner.

It all started with Facebook

I remember once as a child, I was once taken to a posh restaurant in Park Street, Kolkata. It was a special family outing and the food was too good to waste. So, I ate and ate and ate. So much that I soon vomited all over the velvet sofa and teakwood table. Of course all traces of the remaining food were quickly snatched away from under my nose.

As if that wasn’t enough embarrassment for my poor parents, I soon started crying.

“Don’t cry, don’t feel ashamed, it’s ok” my mother said with her last ounce of patience.

 “I am not crying because I am ashamed. I am crying because I want to eat more” I shouted.

That was me. A complete foodie then and now. I thought about food when I woke up and when I went to sleep and my dreams were also quite often about food. I was addicted to watching Masterchef Australia, reading gourmet recipes in colourful cookbooks and trying out exotic culinary experiments during the weekends.

Added to my love for food was my fear of exercise. And being a mother only helped pile on the excess kilos.

But I pretended I didn’t care. I couldn’t give up my favourite food for a few less kgs.  And wasn’t I super busy managing home and office and kid and everything else in between? I just needed to eat to keep up my energy.

And well exercise, there was never enough time for that. Swimming, cycling, yoga and the gym were all like enemy alien forces to me. And the covers of the latest bestseller book stared at me too invitingly in my few moments of leisure. Even if I managed to get some time to walk, my feet invariably carried me to the supermarket or the chicken roll shop. So the walk ended in adding more calories than it reduced.

And then one not so fine day, after coming back from a holiday, I sat trying to upload some pictures on Facebook. And then I stared at the picture.

Who was that staring back at me? The fat face, trying to hide the bulging curves behind my kid? Was that how people saw me?

As I tried to search for pictures that didn’t feature me too prominently in it, it finally dawned on me.

I was not being a woman of substance by just adding more weight to my already bloated body. I needed to do something and do something fast before my daughter came and asked me one day in her innocent voice “Why are you so fat, Mummy?.”

At this point in my life, I weighed 73 kg. And all who knew me knew how much I loved food.

But over the last one year, I managed to drop 22 kg. And the best thing is I dropped this weight without even having to resort to any drastic measures. I never exercised for more than 40 minutes, gave up no other food except Coca Cola.

And I am still a foodie and still love watching and trying out Masterchef recipes.

All I did was took advice from a trained nutritionist, began eating at smaller intervals, and started going to the gym for 4-5 days a week.

Nothing happened overnight. It took more than a year for me to drop my years of excess baggage.

There is less of me now definitely more to me. Only someone who has been through this journey can understand the joy of throwing out clothes in XL size and buying clothes in S size (clothes I didn’t even dare to look at earlier).

It’s not difficult to lose weight. If I can, anyone can. And here are my learnings from my journey:

1.It’s not a sprint, it is more like a marathon; instead of having sudden, quick  targets like lose 5 kgs in 2 months or joining some latest new diet like African Mango or Banana diet, it is better to lose weight naturally in a healthy way; though it will obviously take much more time.

2. it’s not a goal which one can achieve and forget about. It is a lifestyle change. I love the gym now and can prepare plenty of yummy salads and healthy yet tasty recipes. Bottom-line: it’s not a punishment; one has to enjoy the journey and make it one’s lifestyle.

3. it’s all in the mind: Despite enjoying the journey, there are days when one would feel like having a brownie or a chicken roll. What I have learnt is it is ok to indulge once in a while rather than obsessing about every kg.  Like all foodies, I believe food is a religion, not just a mathematical count of calories. You see, its all in the mind; once the mind understands the goal, the body automatically follows.

So for every other foodie who might be wondering whether they can still love food and lose weight, I would say:

Go ahead and try; love your food, take it slow and speak to your mind often and long. After all, one has nothing to lose but weight.